Oh My, Herr Schtick
by aoi-akai
Summary: WARNING: PURE CRACK READER BE CAUTIOUS  there's also Prussiax?


"Bruder, I'm going out to train! I'll be back by 6:00, don't accidently kill yourself while I'm gone!" Germany called to Prussia from where he was standing, the door half open as he prepared to leave.  
"Whatever." Prussia called back from his room; he was lying on his bed, reading fanfiction. "Hmm? What's this? PrussiaxRussia?" He questioned himself absentmindedly.  
"Good-bye!" Germany called as he closed the door. Prussia's screams of terror could be heard all the way in China.  
"Shut up, aru!"  
Back to our story. "I'll do forty laps and then five hundred pushups as a warm up." Germany muttered to himself as he walked through the forest. "Now I- oh, who's that?" Germany asked himself as he stared at the stranger in the clearing. "He's quite handsome…" Germany blushed, hiding behind a tree.

"He's spotted me! I might as well introduce myself…" Germany said, nervously walking into the clearing. "Hello there sir, my name is Germany, what is yours?" He asked the breath taking stranger.

Germany felt his heart flutter when the stranger spoke, was it possible? Was he… in love? "It's nice to meet you, this may sound sudden, but… IloveyoupleasemarrymeI'!" Germany said nervously, closing his eyes in anticipation for the rejection.

"Y-You will?" He asked disbelievingly, face positively shining. "I'm so happy! We have to tell the others!" Germany said, grabbing his husband's, he blushed at just the thought of it, hand and pulled him towards his home. Gilbert would have to know first of course.  
"Bruder! I'm back!" Germany called, opening the door, allowing his husband in.  
"Awesome! I'll be down in a minute!" Prussia called back, closing down his laptop. Damn fangirls had issues.

"Who's that? That's my older brother, Prussia." Germany explained to the man as he heard the thumping of feet coming down the stairs.  
"You're back so soon, West!" Prussia exclaimed stopping in front of the German, then freezing. "I-Is that a stick you're hugging?" Prussia asked disbelievingly. Guess he finally snapped, eh?

"Bruder, this is my soon to be husband, Herr Schtick, Herr Schtick, this is my bruder, Prussia." Germany introduced the two.

"Herr Schtick! It's not nice to say things about people because of the way they look! Bruder is an albino and he is not a freaky ghost demon!" Germany chastised the stick in his arms. "I'm sorry about that Bruder, he won't do it again." Germany said, turning to Prussia.  
"Uhh… West? You feeling okay?" Prussia asked, nervously glancing between Germany and the stick. Did he seriously just think that stick insulted him?  
"Of course, why wouldn't I be?" Germany answered, hugging the stick closer to his body. "We're going to get married, bruder!" Germany exclaimed happily.  
"Y-You want to marry… a stick?" Prussia asked disbelievingly, he was a pretty lenient guy, but this was just crazy.  
"Yeah? Is something the matter?" Germany questioned.  
"Yes, I forbid you from marrying a stick, West. You'll regret it for the rest of your life. Plus, Berlitz, Aster, and Blackie will probably chew him up." He replied, looking at Germany as if he were crazy.  
"I don't care! I'm marrying him and there's nothing you can do about it!" Germany said, accidently punching Prussia in the face as he turned and ran out the door.  
"Thud." Prussia fell down with a light thud, knocked out cold where Russia later found him after reading some fanfictions and things got a little steamy, if you know what I mean, but that's another, better story.  
"I can't believe bruder said that/ maybe Italy will help us." Germany said, running to the Italians' home.  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~8~8~*~*~  
"Bruder, why is Mr. Germany running through our yard while holding a stick lovingly?" Liechtenstein asked.  
"There are some strange people in the world Liechtenstein, you're not allowed near Germany unless I'm in the area." Switzerland said. "Guess the poor guy finally snapped, such a pity, the sane ones are quickly depleting." He said, shaking his head at the loss.  
"Oh." Liechtenstein said, sadly looking out the window.  
~*~*~*~*~~*~*~*~~*~*~8~*~8~~*~8`*~8~  
"Italia! It's me, Germany!" Germany shouted, pounding on the Italians' door.  
"Ve~ Doitsu? What are you doing here ve~? Fratello's out right now, so I think it would be okay if you come in~" Italy said cheerily, shuffling the German in.  
"Danke Italia, but I came here to ask you a very important question." Germany said, folding his hands and putting them on the table.  
"Ve~ What is it? I'll do anything to help, Doitsu!" Italy cheered, bouncing around excitedly.  
"Well…" Germany started, blushing.  
"Ve?" Italy asked, looking intently at the blonde.  
"W-Would you…" He continued, getting redder with each passing second.  
"Would I what?" Italy asked. Maybe Ludwig wants to go on a date with me! He thought to himself.  
"Would you be the priest at my and Herr Schtick wedding?" He blurted out.  
"W-What?" Italy asked, dejected and disbelieving look on his face.  
"Well, I was going to ask Bruder since he used to be a priest, but he disagreed with our marriage so I left him." Germany explained, looking lovingly at the stick.  
"A-All right." Italy said, down trodden look on his face.  
"Thank You!" Germany said excitedly, hugging the Italian in joy.  
"Well, you better go get ready." Italy said, pulling away. "It'll be in an hour." He said, shoving the German and the stick out the door. "Good bye." He said, rapidly closing the door.  
"That was weird, I wonder what's wrong with him." Germany asked himself. "No matter, we must get ready Herr Schtick, we have no time to waste!" Germany exclaimed, grabbing the stick and running back to get ready.  
"Bruder, I'm back!" Germany called, opening the door. "I know you don't approve, but Herr Schtick and I are getting married and I would appreciate it if you would come and give us your blessing." Germany called. He waited a few minutes, and when he got no reply he called again. "Bruder? Where are you?" He called, frantically running through the house, straight into the kitchen. "Hmm? What's this?" Germany asked himself, picking up a piece of paper he found on the kitchen table. "Let's see…" He said, picking it up and reading it.  
Dear West,  
I'm going out for a while, I'll be back by 12:00 a.m.. Maybe. Don't try looking for me or I swear I will kill you.  
P.S. I'm going to Russia, don't freak out and don't you dare come.  
Tschüs,  
The Awesome Gilbert Beilschmidt  
And naturally, Germany started freaking out. "Mein Gott, bruder! Why would you do that?" Germany yelled.

"You're right Herr Schtick, if Prussia were here he would want me to get ready for the wedding." Germany said, calming down. "Now, let's get ready." Germany smiled, picking the stick up and walking up the stairs.

"Yes, now, let's find you one of bruder's old suits, I'm sure he won't mind if you borrow one." Germany said, opening the door to his room.

"Oh, you say the funniest things!"  
An hour later…  
"All right, we're ready!" Germany exclaimed, running out of the house, Herr Schtick in arm.

"Where are they?" Italy asked himself, pacing around in the pavilion. "They're twenty minutes late!" He yelled irritably. He had gotten everything ready for the "wedding", it was going to be in the park.  
"We're here!" Germany called, running towards the Italian.  
"Finally!" Italy shouted, turning around. "You-" He stopped short when he caught sight of Germany. "Mios Dios." He whispered. The German was wearing a white wedding dress, where the hell did he even get that, and he looked amazing. Italy stared in wonder before he caught sight of the stick in the man's hands. How dare that stupid stick steal my man! He will pay… Italy thought darkly to himself.  
"Italy?" Germany asked, staring at the Italian.  
"Hmm?" Italy asked, shaking his head clear of his thoughts. "I'm fine, let's get started." He said, evil glint hidden in his eye.  
"Good." Germany said, walking up to the Pavilion. They went through the service, and finally, they were at the vows.  
"I know pronounce you… dead." Italy said, evil glint in his eyes.  
"Was?" Germany yelled in confusion as Italy ripped the stick out of his arms. "W-What are you doing to Herr Schtick?" Germany cried out, watching helplessly.  
"Say good bye to your stupid stick friend." Ital said, and snapped the stick in half, smiling evilly.  
"NOOOOOO! HERR SCHITCK!" Germany cried, kneeling over the remains of his beloved stick. "How could you?" He whispered.  
"Because I-"  
"Just kill me as well, I can't live without Herr Schtick." Germany interrupted.  
"What is wrong with you today?" Italy asked, staring down at the now kneeling German.  
"J-Just do it!" Germany begged.  
"Uh…. Ok" Italy said, confused. Then he punched Germany in the face.  
"BOOOMMM!" Germany fell silently while Italy just stood there all awkward like, before deciding it best to leave and walked away mumbling something about eradicating the Kraft Mac and Cheeses of the world or something.  
"Oi, West." Prussia said, poking the unconscious German.  
"Nngh." Germany murmured, opening his eyes. "It's too early, bruder." He said, squinting up at the albino.  
"Here's your stick." Prussia said, holding out the now tapped together piece of wood.  
"Wait, h-he's alive?" Germany asked disbelievingly, staring at the stick.  
"It's a stick. It's already dead." Prussia dead panned.  
"So… I died for nothing?" Germany asked, anger flaring up.  
"Pretty much, only thing is, you're not dead, dummkopf." Prussia said, slight anger showing on his otherwise uncharacteristically emotionless face.  
"Oh, oops." Germany said, standing up and brushing himself off.  
"Here." Prussia said, thrusting the stick into Germany's hands. "Take the damn thing and let's just go home. I'm tired." He ordered, walking away back home.  
"Yes, sir!" Germany answered, following after the Prussian, leaving the stick lying on the ground.  
"You're not allowed to hang out with Netherlands ever again."  
"But we just went to a café!"

In the end, Seychelles ended up marrying Herr Schtick after a few weeks of dating and Prussia married Russia. They later had many adorable albino children while Germany lived in their basement. And the all lived happily ever after.  
DAS ENDE.


End file.
